Mga Liham

Para kay J

Hi. Straight to the point na ‘to ah. Ganito kasi, never pa kasi nagkamali instincts ko. Ilang beses kong naisiip pero hinahayaan ko na lang kasi dapat hindi ako affected diba. Dapat matuwa pa ako dahil over ka na and may bago na, finally. Naramdaman ko na meron talaga, may something seryoso. Hanggang sa pumasok si Ate Ash sa loob, sabay sabi sa’kin na “Madam, postive!” Yun na, yun na yon eh. May dapat pa bang i explain? Kinuha ko agad bag ko sabay alis. Ang daming pumapasok sa isip ko habang naglalakad ako.  Naaalala mo pa ba nung sinabi mo sa’kin na “Sa tingin mo ba titigil ako?” at “Sabi ko nga sayo diba, kaya kong maghintay.” Alam ko sa sarili ko na dapat hindi ako maniwala sa mga sinabi mo pero partially, i believed in you. I felt the assurance. At first, i don’t know how to feel about it. I tried to find myself without letting others know, even my closest doesn’t know. I tried to figure out if i’m really ready to commit myself into something risky at all. But there goes fear. I was so afraid that i can’t give you the attention that you’re giving me. Most especially, the time. You might think this is an excuse, but believe me, it’s not. I loved a person before the way you made me feel. I gave her my time. Buong buhay ko umikot sakanya. It was a selfless act. That person was way too busy but i, the cheerleader, was always there. I seriously can see myself in you. I’m afraid you’ll get hurt the way i was hurt before. I was in deeply pain at that time and i don’t want you to experience that i swear. I feel sorry that i want but i feel that i can’t give my time to you. I kept on asking myself on why am i doing this to you to think that you’re one of the sweetest, caring, and kindest. You’re okay and there’s nothing wrong with you. I badly want things to work out but i just don’t know how. I know these won’t matter to you anymore, cos you already have one. I just want you to let you know how i feel. We both know what’s going on and no need to pretend about it. With your action, you made me feel that i made the right choice of not taking the risk. At all. And it saddened me. Naisip ko na bakit ganon nag promise tapos agad agad meron nang bago. Na yung paghihintay pala hanggang two weeks lang. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na alam kung maniniwala pa ako sa susunod. Honestly, kanina may mga orcomm (i won’t mention) na nagtatanong kung ano nangyari sayo. Syempre sabi ko oks ka lang. Only to find out na alam na pala nila. I tried to defend you and told them na hayaan ka nalang cos choice mo yun eh. “Malandi pala siya.” Yan yung mismong sabi sakin and super nagulat ako. Hindi ako nasaktan or nasasaktan sa nangyari. I’m just disappointed with what you’re doing. Cos i seriously didn’t expect that from you. Anyway, i wish that you’ll get to appreciate things by taking it slowly and cherishing every moment. Just see how it goes. You’re a good person and i’ve nothing bad to say about you. You take care of yourself. Good luck and always see the brighter side of life. Remember that nothing great comes easy.
Ps: hindi ako lumalandi kay abi. Bigla lang kami nag-usap and feels like back to normal friends and asaran. (Just in case na iniisip mo na malandi ako and you know that i’m not)

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